Three outfit changes, two beers and one EX

Yesterday was the 4th of July and I alongside two buddies of mine went to the happening ' pool party ' which wasn't too far from my house ( always a good Idea ) there was an interesting mix of people that I have known for at least two years and some further than that. I had text'd my ex in seeing if he would be going ( not that ex, try someone back in Oct- Dec 2009 ) and he said he would be there. Well I haven't seen him since we broke up and I guess it was the alcohol but we had one of the most interesting conversations that we ever had and we discussed the reasons why he broke up with me.. stemming from the fact that he didn't think I was serious about ' us ' and that we didn't communicate. Well it seems that this is always the same reason that the 'good one ' slips through my hands. X told me not to dwell on it and that I responded to the relationship the way I did cuz maybe I wasn't interested, I don't know but It was great seeing him and felt great talking to him. Guess its safe to say that I give the people that don't matter in my life the importance that they don't deserve and the ones that do I don't.



Well, I did manage to get my Speedo on and rocked the hell out of it, felt good.

Summer lovin'

So Ive been having a pretty crazy Summer, and as always I keep on saying I will update this blog more often but you know what ends up happening. I am taking a witting course at SC and feeling very Carrie if I may add, I have begun looking into what will I start wearing this season. I have gotten some looks that I have begun using and think that I'm going for a Late 40's summer look incorporating some vintage Gucci and some tighter silhouettes. I have also started dating someone, its all still pretty fresh and low-key. I will say that he is amazing, has a great family and I'm excited about it. He is the type of guy that you look for but rarely find, I have a great feeling about this one, and the fact that we haven't kissed yet is pretty badass.

Good on paper but loose morals

A few weeks ago I had been talking to an older man, that seemed to fit all requirements that I am looking for and since I was thinking of going back to dating I though that I should be picky on the subject on who I date, not that I haven't been picky already but well you get the idea. He seemed to be a family guy, educated, funny, and had a great body so I gave it a shot, little did I know I would be stuck in an episode of ' Sex And The City 's ' The Princess and the Pee ' If you aren't familiar with the episode we'll just say that the ' perfect ' guy Carrie is dating has a fetish with Urine, well mine dealt with having sex with food and a case of a middle aged 30 yr old thinking he was 21 and at his sexual peak. Needless to say that was where I have to draw the line, I could over look a lot of things but when someone is still trying to find themselves at that age and don't care to make themselves look like Im not one to stick around for that. Im thinking its pretty rare to find a guy that will have respect for himself, Im all up for ' sexual liberation' but then again you thread on a thin line of just looking like a tramp and that look isn't coming in for summer 2010.

Stanza1

What you gave me, I know you gave me. You remind me all the time And how you hurt me and you never saw it...Again I am the child. Though you tell me that you love me I can’t feel it and I’m afraid to let you down. It’s all or nothing, I fear that something’s wrong. I was tired of walking on eggshells so terrified to fail And in order to please you I had abandoned myself. Though it used to hurt me when you pushed me away I’m stronger than ever, you made me this way.

How I wish you, you suffered less too It tears us both apart And it’s not pretty the way you criticized me And how it breaks my heart. And though you tell me that you love me I can’t feel it. How I wish you knew, how much I needed you, I felt like running but I can’t abandoned you. You avoided my gaze, withdrew from me those days.
You punished me for trying to be all that you wanted, What more can I do?

Beating the hell out of Rihanna

I actually remixed and finished a song, not since the break-up have I done such thing. Its a dance, tribal-inspired version of Rihanna's ' Photographs ' song. I love the lyrics and I think its the perfect ' I miss you ' song to the ex. Let me know what you think of it....

http://www.zshare.net/audio/7646442073487892/

Where I want to be

Its been a while since my last posting, the reason why I have taken a step back on posting is simple. I'm working on my next steps.. a lot has changed since my last post, I am now a ' singleton ' broke up with Daniel back in early May, have been applying for a masters program back at USC. I haven't been feeling too down, but If you know me then you are well aware that after any break-up I always step back and re-work on myself. I tend to give, and give in most relationships ( few, actually.. I am being honest) this time I really don't know what was the cause besides us living pretty different lives, different social structures, and what united us was a love...I loved the person that he was around me and how I became when I was around him, gone was the ' ego ' that I had manicured so perfectly as my shield. I liked how to a point I was waiting on him, guys usually do this to me so a man that could do that and still have my attention was a fresh of breath air.


And the music is still in my blood, I'm just not inspired at the moment to do anything. Which is a shame since there is so much that I wish I was working on or at least being able to touch. My thing with that has always been that I dont want to feel ' forced ' because then I may start loathing it and then well that would be the end of that song.

I will write some stuff soon, I promise and maybe a song...

The matter of the heart.

With the anticipation that I have been feeling over the past few weeks about me turning the big 30...I really couldn't have anticipated any of it.

I feel I'm in a cross road not only professionally but with myself. Lately I have been becoming the person that I have wanted to become but in the way I've been hurting alot of people in the process, people that I love dearly. Have I been acting out due to the fact that they are right or am I tired of being the nice understanding guy? What is known is that Ive changed. It's been almost a battle within myself to choose right, or to nearly just follow my heart. That is where I think lies the problem...the matter of the heart.


Switching topics, I had a great birthday ( April 20th ) and I know many of you celebrated it aswell ;). Had dinner and drinks with the boyfriend and bestie in Weho. It was great to have a day where people from my past where remembring me in a nice way. I just wish that my father would have remembered.

Below you will find some pics of my Bday. Until next time



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Hiking with my babes

Yesterday after a long day at the office, I wanted to hang out with Daniel...usually I work out with him at the gym but admist the loud people, the music and the reps I feel I dont really get to enjoy him as I should. After work we headed to Whittier's Turnball canyon where we did the trail, and what a workout it was. Ive done this trail many times before but never with someone I was dating, it was great to sneak a few kisses here and there and hold his hand while going up. I feel I got to know a diffrent side of him. All in all a great.

Keep on talkin

As many of you all know I havent been updating this baby as much as I should, well atleast I have posted my new Ke$ha mix for ' Blah Blah Blah ' its a tribal and electronica fusion remix of it and as always, comments are welcomed


Ke$ha Mix of ' Blah Blah Blah 'http://www.zshare.net/audio/743959390c36449f/

When did you mother pass? How has the impacted your outlook on life as a whole?

She passed in 2001, and It made me want to make her proud which I still try and fulfill

Ask me anything

My Job.

I've always thought my job was to wake people up. But, it's not enough just to wake people up you've gotta wake people up and give them a direction. You gotta wake people up and give them tools about how to deal with life. You've gotta wake people up and give them solutions...Otherwise, they're gonna fall back asleep again

you make me shine, you make me feel...

Im in a very beautiful time in my life right now, everything just seems to be falling into place and I feel the smile as I wake up in the mornings. I have made it a point that I wouldnt really expose my ' love life ' but I just had to post this picture. Hope you guys are having a great day and I will upload some music Ive been working on.