Lotus of Dreams

Lovers, keep on the road you're on
Running, until the race is run
Soldiers, you've got to soldier on
Sometimes even right is wrong

They are turning my head out
To see what I'm all about
Keeping my head down
To see what it feels like now
But I have no doubt
One day, we are gonna get out

Tonight maybe we're gonna run
Dreaming of the Osaka sun
Dreaming of when the morning comes

I can't let go
To the sea I offer
This heavy load

Locusts will
Lift me up
I'm just a prisoner
In a reign of love

Locusts will
Let us stop
I wish I'd spoken
To the reign of love

Reign of love
By the church, we're waiting
Reign of love
My knees go praying

How I wish
I'd spoken up
Or we'd be carried
In the reign of love.

Past Mixes

Had a lot of love all around for my remix of Rihanna's ROCKSTRAR 101. Its a fucking amazing remix with a more Rock attitude and badass guitars





http://www.zshare.net/audio/80107741072be9d7/

















Another great mix that was played over the weekend to great response




http://www.zshare.net/audio/79782079f3c2e5a2/

Feelings that Im trying to dig

Ive started to place myself on some race to try and find as many things possible to be able to occupy my time. I have a full schedule with school, Kickboxing, Boxing and weight training, and Ive also started to work with more music, and I also have someone that is occupying a place in my heart. Ive started seeing a guy, normally I date and don't really...I don't want to use the word ' not care ' about them but It does seem like it. Well, this guy I am beginning to develop feelings for and it reminds me of the way I felt about Eddie, I'm finding feelings that are arousing. Its not a sexual connection, although he is very much my type, its a bit deeper than that, just wish I knew how to control my feelings and not have them be that of a teenager.

Saying goodbye is rather easy...

Lately, I have been feeling very unattached to people in my life, I have experienced a break-up from my ' Best Friend ' and people that were once dear to my heart, but I feel nothing. Its quiet odd for me not to have any feelings on the subject, there's no rancor or a feeling of abandonment. When did I start feeling this dissociated from the people that mattered to me? I may be building walls around me again, Its almost as I love to be in the spotlight but hate to deal with the background. I spend most of my time alone now, mixing music, reading up on Psy, school or at the GYM. On the flip side I have begun to repair a friendship with Danny, Eddie ( In which this one is very tricky since It seems he always wants to get back together and I just cant do that to myself.. I cant be his shadow ever again )and Raul.

Maybe I will snap out of this and have a sense of wanting to belong to something or maybe this will open me up to something new and exciting for my own personal growth? Who knows at this point, all I know is that something is missing.

Wont settle for anything but butterflies.....

Ive been seeing this cycle that has been a re-occurring theme in my relationships. The theme that I loose interest in the other person or better yet that they cant seem to sustain my interest.I have been feeling a bit forced to try and work on these problems because I have dated some great guys but after the chase I am usually done and want to move forward. Guess I shouldn't force myself, when its time for me to be ' In love ' it will happen organically. It was fun while it lasted though.

On brighter news, I have finally achieved my perfect tan '

When the past isnt the anchor necessarily, Circa ( 2005- 2008 )

I was going through some online photo albums tonight and found pics from my ' Eddie ' phase, although this phase has been placed in the back of the closet where the patented leather belts reside I couldn't help but notice how I looked but more shockingly how I dressed. I cant even begin to understand what was going through my mind as I look at myself, let alone how I must have been in the relationship, If I was able to forgo so much of myself where was all my attention going? Regarless it just looks like it was one unhealthy mess, just looking at the pics remind me of it.

When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

A Police man, then I dated them and they are all assholes. So i guess I missed my mark

Ask me anything

Im Bionic, Baby!!

Just wanted to place my newest remix of Christina Aguilera's title track 'Bionic ' I am hoping to be able to rework this mix when I get the acapella and can properly work on it. Hope you enjoy my attempt at making a ' circuit ' type mix


http://www.zshare.net/audio/7808426053d04621/

Three outfit changes, two beers and one EX

Yesterday was the 4th of July and I alongside two buddies of mine went to the happening ' pool party ' which wasn't too far from my house ( always a good Idea ) there was an interesting mix of people that I have known for at least two years and some further than that. I had text'd my ex in seeing if he would be going ( not that ex, try someone back in Oct- Dec 2009 ) and he said he would be there. Well I haven't seen him since we broke up and I guess it was the alcohol but we had one of the most interesting conversations that we ever had and we discussed the reasons why he broke up with me.. stemming from the fact that he didn't think I was serious about ' us ' and that we didn't communicate. Well it seems that this is always the same reason that the 'good one ' slips through my hands. X told me not to dwell on it and that I responded to the relationship the way I did cuz maybe I wasn't interested, I don't know but It was great seeing him and felt great talking to him. Guess its safe to say that I give the people that don't matter in my life the importance that they don't deserve and the ones that do I don't.



Well, I did manage to get my Speedo on and rocked the hell out of it, felt good.

Summer lovin'

So Ive been having a pretty crazy Summer, and as always I keep on saying I will update this blog more often but you know what ends up happening. I am taking a witting course at SC and feeling very Carrie if I may add, I have begun looking into what will I start wearing this season. I have gotten some looks that I have begun using and think that I'm going for a Late 40's summer look incorporating some vintage Gucci and some tighter silhouettes. I have also started dating someone, its all still pretty fresh and low-key. I will say that he is amazing, has a great family and I'm excited about it. He is the type of guy that you look for but rarely find, I have a great feeling about this one, and the fact that we haven't kissed yet is pretty badass.

Good on paper but loose morals

A few weeks ago I had been talking to an older man, that seemed to fit all requirements that I am looking for and since I was thinking of going back to dating I though that I should be picky on the subject on who I date, not that I haven't been picky already but well you get the idea. He seemed to be a family guy, educated, funny, and had a great body so I gave it a shot, little did I know I would be stuck in an episode of ' Sex And The City 's ' The Princess and the Pee ' If you aren't familiar with the episode we'll just say that the ' perfect ' guy Carrie is dating has a fetish with Urine, well mine dealt with having sex with food and a case of a middle aged 30 yr old thinking he was 21 and at his sexual peak. Needless to say that was where I have to draw the line, I could over look a lot of things but when someone is still trying to find themselves at that age and don't care to make themselves look like Im not one to stick around for that. Im thinking its pretty rare to find a guy that will have respect for himself, Im all up for ' sexual liberation' but then again you thread on a thin line of just looking like a tramp and that look isn't coming in for summer 2010.

Stanza1

What you gave me, I know you gave me. You remind me all the time And how you hurt me and you never saw it...Again I am the child. Though you tell me that you love me I can’t feel it and I’m afraid to let you down. It’s all or nothing, I fear that something’s wrong. I was tired of walking on eggshells so terrified to fail And in order to please you I had abandoned myself. Though it used to hurt me when you pushed me away I’m stronger than ever, you made me this way.

How I wish you, you suffered less too It tears us both apart And it’s not pretty the way you criticized me And how it breaks my heart. And though you tell me that you love me I can’t feel it. How I wish you knew, how much I needed you, I felt like running but I can’t abandoned you. You avoided my gaze, withdrew from me those days.
You punished me for trying to be all that you wanted, What more can I do?