If I were a new boy....

So, Im a lil bummed, everything is going great ( Thank GOD ) with everything, Ive just a lil sad, cant really place my finger on it, thats a lie. So, here is a new remix, well its more of a mash-up than a remix, but It made me get a little teary-eyed as I was finishing this baby up. Its Beyonce's ' If I were a boy ' with Celine Dion's ' A new Day has come '.


If I were a ' New ' Boy

Eddie, the story has ended.

I had my first ' Adult ' conversation with Edward today, its been a while since we both used our ' inside voices ', the saga seems to be about to end its course this weekend. I just ordered my new phone, will get an unlisted phone number, address is changed and my stuff will be either donated to charities or sold to fund my favorite Charity ( APLA ). I decided not to be the ass-hole ands let him keep the dog, which I really wanted...but I know that he would be in better hands with him than with me and my crazy life-style. The conversation got me thinking about how I felt about Edward, was it really love? or was I simply addicted to the pain? the exquisite pain of wanting someone so unattainable? Some part of me wanted to go back to him, but I couldn't, somehow I restrained myself and grew some balls, was I finally tired of going along and trying to be something I wasn't? I chose to walk away, and just like that I leave my universe holding the hand of my Edward. I managed to get untied, the end is here and I am finally free. What more could one ask for when one is free? Even though getting here has been hard, its a blessing in disguise.

You are my destiny

New Remix,
Pussycat Dolls ' Jai Ho ' This is part of my new project labeled ' 42 ' enjoy,
http://www.zshare.net/audio/59039685862e72f1/

Now and then

Last night I had the pleasure and great surprise to attend Britney Spears ' Circus ' tour, needles to say that I had an amazing time. Britney really outdid herself this time around, it was very different from the last time that I had seen her in concert in the now Infamous ' House Of Blues ' Concert in Hollywood. The ticket that I was able to get came as a Birthday present, It was 5th row, front and center. I was in awe when I was given the ticket, in attendance was Rhianna, Lucy Lu, Drew Barrymore, Jamie Presley, Kim Kardashian, Kathy Griffin etc. I only had eyes for Brit. All night I kept on calling people when a specif song would play, or Id be snapping pics, As I arrived home I couldn't believe on how much cash I shelled out last night, now I finally have my ' IF U SEEK AMY ' thong.

All in all, a great start to a Birthday a can finally enjoy, for once.

A Dodger dog, Two Bud Lights and Three strikes.

Below you will find something that emerged from last night, its a song by Jazmine Sullivan ' Dream Big ' the Number 42 Mix. Hope you enjoy it,

Jazmine Sullivan ' Dream Big '

I love that sound...

Ive been working on alot of new and incredible projects, and I cant wait to let you know about them, but I will keep mum for now. I have been also dabbing back in music, so here is my newest mix of Tiga's new song ' Shoes ', I wanted to try and give the video some justice.


Tiga Shoes Migs Mix

How about getting off of these Anti-Biotics...

Ive begun to look at myself under the microscope and at my ripe ol' age of 29 ( April 20th, baby ) I can finally say that I am free. Although Im well on my way to make myself the person that I am becoming, I still cant help but feel empty inside, I guess you can say that Ive been going through life with a checklist and not with much of the passion, havent really felt passion in a while. for instance, this past weekend : On April 4th, I helped stage a huge LGBT participation in Downtown L.A for Cesar E. Chavez, hundreds of people were there to support the LGBT equality issue and even though it made me feel great to be able to have the support of everyone and to know we are all trying to get togther and be heard ( I still felt alone ), Monday came wjth a press conference regarding the CureCVS campaign that ive also been a part of it, a cause that gained nation-wide attention,still alone. Friday, I got to meet Miss Universe 2009, a moment that I would have wished and been excited about, but nontheless I felt great as the cameras were on me, but off of them I just felt empty, and alone.


These past few days have seen me getting everything Ive been working with but I dont have the love or support from people in my inner circle, Its crazy to say this but I feel so useful when Im at work then when I am home, alone. Dont get me wrong Ive tried to stay home and chil but its almost like I need someone by my side to make me feel that everything will be ok. Maybe, I should take the advice given to me on friday night by Breene,and ' shut the fuck up, buck up and continue to make a name for yourself, people will come and go but you need to run and finish ' true, he also did ask me to take another shot...but maybe this should be my new Mantra, what to do now.
T

Redemption Day

I've wept for those who suffer long but how I weep for those who've gone.Into rooms of grief and questioned wrong but keep on killing,It's in the soul to feel such things but weak to watch without speaking. What mercy sadness brings If God be willing there is a train that's heading straight to heaven's gate And on the way, child and man,And woman wait, watch and wait for redemption day. Fire rages in the streets and swallows everything it meets It's just an image often seen On television,come leaders, come you men of great let us hear you pontificate your many virtues laid to waste And we aren't listening.What do you have for us today throw us a bone but save the plate on why we waited til so late? was there no oil to excavate?
no riches in trade for the fate? Of every person who died in hate throw us a bone, you men of great.It's buried in the countryside It's exploding in the shells at nighs It's everywhere a baby cries....Freedom.

A faded smile, frozen in time.

The Ides of March, as a young kid I always looked forward to two days, first my Birthday ( April 20Th ) and March 12, my Mothers' B'day. After her passing in 2001, its a rather bittersweet day, sad because I cant be with her to blow out her candles, take her to dinner, tell her that I love her or to hold her, but I gain comfort in remembering her life, and her spirit and most of all her smile. I often wonder how diff rent my life would be if she were still around, would I be the same person? would I be happy? would I be, me?.

Every time I see my nephews, deep inside I get sad knowing that when I hold them, kiss them or tell them that I love them...that my mother cant do the same. She never got to meet or have any grand kids. I know she would have been the happiest ' Grandma ' in the world.

I wanna hold 'em like they do in Texas...

I wanted to upload this baby, for Mr. Man, hope you like it... and there I dont owe you dinner...lol.


Lady GAGA - Pokerface - MIGS MIX

When the rebound bounced....

I always wondered how far would the ' rebound ' guy bounce away, and yesterday I got my taste. Mr XXX was the perfect board of which to leap from a dissatrous relationship although he was the board before the ship sank, so why was our meeting akward?. Things had started well enough, I was invited to see ' RENT ' and that I couldnt give up... a Sunday at the theather was always my idea on how to cap of a well rested weekend. Although It wasnt as simple as that, as I sat next to the man that would have ultimatley given me the ring that I so have wanted I couldnt stop to think of how I had made his life so hard and if Karma did have its day out in the field then that must mean that I wont be able to escape its mantle, or have I had my days in the sun already?

Sitting side by side, and not uttering more than a few simple words I thought about the life that I had, and the life that he worked so hard to be able to make for me, and how just one kiss could have made me throw everything away. As I gazed at the lights they made me think of the first time he showed me the ring that blinded me for a split second...only cuz we were outide and it was a sunny California day. One cant help but feel bad about the guy, even though all the dust settled at times I felt as though I just wanted to dissapear. When looking at past relationships or just relationships at all, when does our baggage become someone else's? and when can we loose it.

Rent ended, a shy kiss on the cheeck and a long goodbye stood between and my old life, headed was my new ' reality ' and at that time the sun stopped shinning and a coldness filled the air, only on my side. Guess sometimes the grass isnt always greener.

For a minutes there, I lost myself....

When the pawn hits the conflicts, he thinks like a king with what he knows, throws the blows when he goes to the fight. He'll win the whole thing before he enters the ring, there's no body to batter when your mind is your might, So when you go solo, you hold your own hand And remember that depth is the greatest of heights. If you know where you stand, then you know where to land.If you fall it won't matter, cuz you'll know that you're right. Sometimes what seems like surrender isn't surrender at all. It's about what's going on in our hearts. About seeing clearly the way life is and accepting it and being true to it, whatever the pain, because the pain of not being true to it is far, far greater, and not being there when you gave your word, and to disgrace your word is a disgrace. A man without a word, is not a man.