I always wondered how far would the ' rebound ' guy bounce away, and yesterday I got my taste. Mr XXX was the perfect board of which to leap from a dissatrous relationship although he was the board before the ship sank, so why was our meeting akward?. Things had started well enough, I was invited to see ' RENT ' and that I couldnt give up... a Sunday at the theather was always my idea on how to cap of a well rested weekend. Although It wasnt as simple as that, as I sat next to the man that would have ultimatley given me the ring that I so have wanted I couldnt stop to think of how I had made his life so hard and if Karma did have its day out in the field then that must mean that I wont be able to escape its mantle, or have I had my days in the sun already?
Sitting side by side, and not uttering more than a few simple words I thought about the life that I had, and the life that he worked so hard to be able to make for me, and how just one kiss could have made me throw everything away. As I gazed at the lights they made me think of the first time he showed me the ring that blinded me for a split second...only cuz we were outide and it was a sunny California day. One cant help but feel bad about the guy, even though all the dust settled at times I felt as though I just wanted to dissapear. When looking at past relationships or just relationships at all, when does our baggage become someone else's? and when can we loose it.
Rent ended, a shy kiss on the cheeck and a long goodbye stood between and my old life, headed was my new ' reality ' and at that time the sun stopped shinning and a coldness filled the air, only on my side. Guess sometimes the grass isnt always greener.
4 comments:
It sucks for both individuals. No pleasure is granted from either you or him. I'm sure he saw it coming because for as much as he 'wanted' to show you what life he was going to provide to you, he found 'obligated' to do so. Without it, you probably wouldn't have lasted enough time with him for you to even feel the need to kiss him goodbye.
Sometimes we question how much baggage we still carry, but never stop to realize how important it is for it to stick around to remind us not to do the same mistakes. One of your previous postings was on our past. Yes, it isn't always something we want to bring up for it may cause hurtful memories and experiences we want to keep just there: IN OUR PAST!
I am personally like one of those people, who think that without history, your life would amount to nothing. At some point, you have to chose: (1) Do you fall back on what you know? (2) Or do you step forward to something new?
It's hard not to be haunted by your past. Your history is what shapes you, what guides you. Do know and always remember, that your history resurfaces. For as much as you wish it weren't true, it will...time after time after time.
Now back to your 'realty'. Before you make yourself feel bad about making another life miserable, keep in mind that the most important history is the history you are making TODAY. In other words, locate yourself in the 'realty' you are in. Focus on what you want in the future and make it happen without hurting others. You've made that mistake before, don't do it again. Mark the lives of the people you encounter with blessings for that would be a great start to the story of Migs. Fall back on what you know will do good and step forward to something in which both you and the people in your life will benefit from.
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